St. George and the Dragon

Gather 'round, lords and ladies. Allow me to play the jester and delight you with the very best of medieval entertainment and inebriation:


The following rules were faithfully scribed by the beautiful Caitlin Hill, as dictated on the fly by two drunken duelists (myself and one Mark Cugini, who did an amazing job of hanging tough as I changed the rules to fit my needs throughout the game).

Required armament:
- 6 ping pong balls
- 3 large cups (towers)
- 2 medium cups (chambers)
- 3 small cups (turrets)
- 2 water cups (moats)

Basic Play:
Set-up is like beer pong, except players can build their own castles any way they'd like, provided each cup is at their end of the table, accessible, and stable (so it won't fall over if hit by a ping-pong ball) – players must okay the opponent's construction before the game begins. You must also agree on house rules for Peasant's Revolt, Knighthood, and the Sword in the Stone (explained below). A Whiskey Bonus Cup may also be decided upon at this time.


A possible castle construction, with turrets mounted atop the towers and chambers. Castle structures should be stable enough to withstand enemy fire.
Game Start – Each player gets 3 balls.
First shot is simultaneous – players maintain eye contact and do not look at the cups. If no one sinks a shot, players immediately begin a Barrage--rapidly shooting available ping pong balls until a cup is landed. If opposing cups are landed simultaneously, Barrage continues until two cups are landed on one side.

First to play gets to use remaining balls in play for his/her turn (i.e. if Player 1 sinks the first shot, Player 1 then shoots the remaining five balls).


Here, Player 1 has chosen to build a lovely fortress in the mountains.
Storming a Castle:
Unlike regular Beer Pong, certain cups require several balls to be "stormed," forcing the opposing player to remove the cup and drink the contents:
Towers (large cups) take 3 balls to storm
Chambers (medium cups) take 2 balls to storm
Turrets (small cups) take 1 ball to storm, same as traditional Beer Pong


The battlefield. Note the captured balls in the tower on the left, and the differing castle structures.
If a ball lands in a "turret" (small cup), opposing player drinks the cup and the ball goes into the water cup "moat" (to be used by opposing player when his/her turn begins). Balls sunk in a medium or large cup stay in that cup until the cup is "stormed." These balls are considered "captured" and are out of play.


Close-up of captured balls.
If a player doesn't get the necessary "stormed" total in a cup in one turn, the "captured" balls stay in the cup until the necessary total is reached (i.e. if Player 1 only lands 1 ball in a medium cup, it stays there, captured, until a second ball is landed in that cup, even over several turns).

Once a cup is stormed, the balls it contained are put back into play for the opponent's next turn, unless Knighthood is achieved:

Knighthood (optional):
If 3 balls are landed in a large cup in one turn, all 3 balls go back to the shooter and that turn continues. This is the only event that returns balls, except in the case of a "Peasant's Revolt."

Peasant's Revolt:
If all 6 balls are captured, all 6 balls are removed from the cups and go to the owners of the castles. However close a player is to storming a cup, the total starts back at zero for all remaining cups. Play continues for the player whose castle contains the most captured balls (so if Player 1 has 4 balls captured in his castle, Player 1 takes the next turn and shoots 4 balls).


Castle Pong: always goes down smooth.
The Sword in the Stone (optional endgame):
Loser shoots all 6 balls at any remaining cups on winner's side, and continues shooting until he/she misses. The winner drinks any cups "stormed," loser drinks remaining cups.


Yes, pour your beer, Mark--but not even your Griffin familiar can save you now.

Goin' for Broke

So Mason, Larn's beau and fellow poker aficionado, put me on the trail of a great iTouch app (linked behind the image, if you have iTunes). I'd like to think it's improving my poker game, but like I told J.R. as we went for lunch yesterday, Hold 'Em is about reading your opponents, not your cards. Still, for all that, the game does demonstrate the results of foolish betting, which is a lesson I need from time to time. For those who just can't keep winning hands straight, there's a decent help section too. Pusateri would love this game--his catch phrase is "more cards faster," and you can burn through hands as quickly as you like with just a swipe (I fold about five pocket pairs in a minute, and every one hurts). Maybe next time I'm at his table, I'll be able to put those trained instincts to use; I think I've donated enough to his baby fund.

So I'm starting to get to know the American University firsties...pretty cool bunch, and I love how they're bringing out the foolishness in the second-years. Talking to Zac, Anne, and Jenny outside is totally different when Mark and Todd are lookin' on in bemusement. I dunno--I've always been a performer, so I appreciate a change-up in the audience. Mary is having a meet n' greet tomorrow night (already christened the "hurricane party" due to the feared effects of Tropical Storm Hanna. Sleepover pending?), and it promises to be quite the affair. Mark and Todd have already demonstrated their drinking prowess in helping me take down the Baltika 9 at Brickskeller last night (17oz bottles are no joke). I'll try to behave, but I make no promises.

Finally...I'm trying out a new commenting system from Disqus, starting with this post. I like their admin interface quite a bit, but its performance at the helm remains to be seen. If you read this, drop a comment and let me know what you think of it. Easy to use? Pain in the ass?

Peace n' love. JENNY JENNY JENNY JENNY JENNY!

Oh No You Didn't!

Sucker try to play me but you never paid me, never
Payback is-a comin', you will be runnin' forever
Until I get my vengeance, I will never end this mayhem
I'm a mercenary, you ain't got a prayer, you owe meee!

Mercenaries 2 jingle by Chris Tilton. Delicious.

A new web browser called Google Chrome is out, and oh my god is it beautiful. I've barely begun toying with it, but I'm immediately struck by how pretty it is. New tabs flow as if spawned from the finger of Artemis. My guess is there is specific Google code that can be used to ooze more gorgeous onto pages created specifically for Chrome. It's not a grand slam--there are some features that read like bugs to me, such as the URL bar coloring--but it's definitely a base hit in a game where the major players are still learning to hold a bat. (Sorry, Firefox--you know I love you.)

Thanks to the Bertainas for hosting a great Labor Day picnic on Sunday. We got to play flag football (yup, Abert brought flags. Take note, scouts, that's preparedness). Caitlin yelled at me a lot, and I got turned on. In a completely uncalled-for but somewhat expected move, I sacked the hell out of 95-lb Kelsey. So wrong. I mean, just look at that innocent face. It was good seeing everyone again, many ass-slaps were handed out, and at the end I came out with what Mary swears is a back massager, but looks more like a...well, judge for yourself.


Ok, so that's not quite it, but make it green, add a spring, and give it to someone with a dirty mind like mine. The resemblance is obvious.

In other news...finally got the office set up just so, and it is a pleasure to come to work. Got my toys, got my twin PCs and monitor triplets, and the view outdoors ain't half bad either (though it's a constant battle of the blinds: I like seeing the people outside, Lori finds it distracting, and J.R. can do without the sun beating down on him). When everyone breaks for lunch, though....muah hah hah hah.






So Garb Fussell may come to work with me at CAP. I'm sorta-friends with the chick who'll hire him (note that's who will, not who may), so I keep dropping buzz words. She's hung up on another job she has to fill first (she's somewhat staffless now, with many key Campus Progress members moving on to different things). Garb is thinking about applying for the higher-priority job (a smart move, I think), so I talked to Shereen and she seemed pretty happy about the prospect. We'll see how it plays out.

Aw, snap. Bakari needs some guidance in the ways of computer groove, so I'm off to hook him up.

First you try to trap me, then you bust a cap in my ass
Such humiliation will bring annhialation at last
It will be delicious when I get vicious tomorrow
There's no second chances, you will do the dance of sorrooow...

UPDATE: South America pics are finally up, but not all are rotated and came out better than I expected.